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Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Its 11.18pm. Monday… I’m exhausted. Feel haggard. I’m stress. I’m lonely. Depress. Yes, I guess that really describe my feeling now.

There are a lot of things running in my head. I’m thinking about many things. Work procedure manual that I must submit end of this week. I’ve learned new things today at work. Seeking for security or freedom? I don’t know… I just don’t know what is in my mind now. I need time… more time for myself. Am I sure? I don’t know…

Sometimes I regret of doing thing. I think that no one understand me. I think that I’ve chosen a wrong path. Blank… dark… clueless.

I’m bragging nonsense again. Yes I know. You can simply close this blog if this post annoys you. If you understand nothing… no, I don’t understand either.

It has been a while I don’t have feeling like this. No, I’m not happy either. I have made some decisions in my life. Some made me happy but others full with regret.

What keep you alive? Motivation? Love? I don’t know. Don’t ask me.

Do you practice what you preach? Some do and some don’t. Human… sometimes they think they are the best, sometimes they think they are perfect, sometimes they forgot from where they belong. Sometimes you think you need guidance. Someone… something… I don’t know. It could be anything… back to the basic.

Sometimes you feel time is running out. You don’t have much time. You have wasted so much time. Have you live your life to the fullest? Have you done everything that you ever dream of? Have you? Achieve all your goals? Can you put a smile on your face when you are leaving everyone… everything in the world – in your world.

I don’t know… maybe I’m too tired or too stress. I don’t speak a lot when I’m in this condition. Not in the mood to talk. Even listen… ok I’m dehydrated. Really? I don’t know. Open my song folder, double clicked on Imagine by John Lennon.

I need a shower… no, it’s not hot. Just… I need a shower.




  1. uikkk... nape ni faisal?? hope sumenya ok yaa... take care..

  2. hi sound so stress dude...rileks...i know this is suck...but sure will life to the fullest kay...tak semestinya dalam hidup nih harus happy sajer...tak adventure lah...

    okes dude...take care kay....

  3. Anonymous3:24 PM

    Interesting ramblings! Life's like that! Like a roller coaster! Filled with mysteries that the human mind can hardly comprehend! Still, it's out life! So live it to the fullest! Your life is what you make it! Cheers!!!


    *would you be happier if you really know what is your true problem?

  5. PearlEj - Semalam stress dan depress sangat. Hari ni ok sikit kot...

    - Thanks for your concern. Ya, setuju... hidup ibarat roda, sekejap di atas dan sekejap di bawah.

    Suituapui - I agree with you. Life is like a roller coaster. Hope I have a better day today...

    - That is why. Last night I was lost. Like you are in the middle of nowhere, dark, soundless... lonely, depress... and no positive at all. I hope I know what was the problem. But I just don't...

  6. Anonymous9:30 PM

    faisal admar dearie...

    I know what you mean... I know how it feels...

    It's so hard to feel so alone... and so many times. I've tried to find the words to describe how depression feels... but then I realize that there are no words to describe how it feels... so I try to find the words that maybe will come near to how it feels... just to show maybe even a glimpse of how it is... but there are none!

    Unless you go through it, no one will ever understand... Unfortunately, the world will never see how miserable we've felt... and how much pain we've gone through... They'll never know what it's like to be so lonely, alone and lay there in bed... I could go on forever... but I don't think it'd get me anywhere... I'm so sorry you're going through this, Faisal...

    Don't be so hard on yourself... You accomplished something just writing this... for writing... for returning messages.. for being you.. Love you so much!!

    Hang in there... your good day could be write just around the corner... :) winkwink

    Hope everything will be better for tomorrow... and forever... :)

    "There's a light at the end of this tunnel. There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you, for you.." -Third Day

    p/s: I'm sorry if I'm pissing you off sometimes, but I'm not going anywhere... You're stuck with me sayang!....xoxo nurin qistina... - sorry comment panjang sangat... :)

  7. We are just humans and it's normal to feel like that. Some days you have the world figured out and other days you don't even know who you are...

    Don't worry about it. You're not the only one who gets like this. :) It's perfectly normal.

    Just take some rest and clear your mind. Hopefully things will start looking up again.

  8. Love-n-Hate - I love this quote "There's a light at the end of this tunnel. There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you, for you.." -Third Day


    How if it's dead end? *kidding*
    I hope tomorrow is a better day for me. Thanks!

    p/s: You never make me piss off :P

    - Yes. That is what I'm trying to do now... rest and rest and rest :) Hopefully everything is gonna be fine. Thanks Rozella.

  9. Anonymous5:27 AM

    faisal ohh faisal...

    tunnel mane de dead end!!! muahss

  10. I hope your spirits rise soon. ;o)

  11. Faisal, there are times in our lives that everything doesn't seem right, things we did seem wrong, doubtful decisions, wrong assumptions and all. however, it's just live. these imperfections make live perfect. It's ok to wonder upon live and feel depressed but always make sure we find the solution or solace to make it better.

    I hope everything is better with you now....:)

  12. Anonymous5:40 PM

    wish u all the best!(",)

  13. just get a good sleep, u'll be fine. trust me.

  14. Kadang2 mmg kita rasa macam ni..Emosi perasaan bercampur baur.. biasalah hidup kita tidak akan happy sepanjang masa... Just relax and everything will be ok..Pray to him..Insyallah..

  15. Love-n-Hate - In my nightmare there was a dead end tunnel! :)

    Tammy - I hope so too Tammy

    Farah - Agree with you. Life is like a wheel... I must always remember that. That make life wonderful.

    Gossip - Thanks :)

    Green Apple - Yes I did and when I woke up I hope everything will be fine... yes it was not bad... but not so good too. At least not the worst :)

    Ad - Ya betul. Hidup kadang-kadang begitu kompleks. Kadang-kadang kita akan rasa hampa dan kecewa dan membuatkan kita rasa hidup sudah tidak berguna. Saya setuju dengan Ad... doa kepada-Nya adalah jalan terbaik.

  16. i feel the same too

    all of us are lonely inside huh

    but i wanna believe in light

  17. Yes Aizat. I think the best way to be happy and not lonely is be grateful with what you have.


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