life goes on... don't hold back

I woke up in the morning as usual at 6am. My body was very warm ­­­– yes a fever. It wasn’t raining but quite cold perhaps… from the rain last night. I looked into the mirror and the mouth ulcer never better even after I put some salt onto it last night. Sighed. I chose not to go to work. I needed rest, I needed water. I had been drinking a lot of waters lately. I didn’t go back to sleep as I wanted to go to clinic early. Hate to have a long queue and wait in tense. To kill the time, I brought along my Reader’s Digest. But still… I don’t need to hurry. Too tired of speed and catching time everyday. I made toast and a cup of coffee… enjoyed my breakfast with the cool temperature outside. Looked at the birds chuckling to each other and the greenly scenery at the back of my house. I missed moment like this and it was like ages ago I sit and enjoy my coffee outside… alone – a peace of mind. I’ve been busy like bee lately. Not even time for me. Weekend was occupied with business meetings and I'm tired… very tired physically and mentally.

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Around 10am, I went to clinic with mom – the clinic which is listed in my favorite list Penawar Clinic. It’s one of panel clinics for Inland Revenue Board. Doctor was surprise with the ulcer size. Mom was sick too for 2 days since she came back from Cameron Highlands – attended a budget meeting. I got typical medicine as I guessed such as antibiotics, ulcer gel and paracetamol. On the way back, we bought lunch at the Indian Moslem’s restaurant beside the clinic and drove home. We saw a driving school which I registered there before in 1998. Mom reminded me about my youngest sister who wants to get a driving license. So, we went there for the details regarding price and the whole course. I talked to the woman there about I had registered there before and those 2 oldies who used to teach me – to my surprise, both of them are still teaching there. I was glad that they’re still alive and I wish I have a long life too… like them.

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I didn’t plan to write anything actually at this time… until I watched Oprah on TV [episode 22]. I should say that I'm sick with Oprah sometimes with too many craps about superstar’s life and some funny stories – enough said. This time it was different. The show was about a family who lost a son/elder brother caused by cancer. Yes, I hate cancer as well and even a doctor couldn’t trace it at early stage. I talked to a doctor in town who was also sad of losing some friends caused by cancer and when they knew, it was just too late. Ok, back to the topic, this family just couldn’t accept the incident – Jake is dead. They still prepared meals and bed for him. The parent could live with that, even Jake’s little brother Lincoln. So, Oprah sent Peter Walsh and his friend to help them. What Peter did was throw away all Jake’s things. Not all, but they have to do some decisions. They brought all Jake’s things including clothes, toys and books out of the house… put them on the lawn. They made 3 columns; throw, keep and chest. So, they had to decide which things belong to those columns. Throw – they need to choose those things that could make them sad or cry. Keep – those things that can make them think of the happy moment with him. Chest – things that they wanted to keep for respecting Jake. It was a tough decision and honestly I had watery eyes. We tend to keep so many things of our love ones when they’re gone… hoping that the memory remains and never dies. Yes, it works… but for good or bad? I don’t mean about nasty bad but in other word… sad. The psychiatrist who joined the show said “Life goes on, don’t hold back”. When we keep the things… we hope the thing can make us feel like we still have him/her in object-form – which it never work and will haunt and keep us in sorrow forever. Jake’s family has been living in this sorrow since 2001 until Oprah helped them in 2007. The effect was not only on the parent but also on Jake’s brother, Lincoln. They managed to change the bedroom into a nice office and some pictures of Jake hanging on the wall. Yes, new environment help and they are happy now – to live in only-happy-memories of Jake. I was touched and learned new thing.

What do you think?