I reached home quite late. It was because of the bad traffic. The bloody bridge hasn’t finished renovated. I could swear with thousand words or vulgar but I was just too tired to even pick the best vulgar. My head was full. Full with so many things. Parked my car in the garage. I walked straight to my room. “Fuh…!” I whined.
I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was 7pm. Weird but true that I had been driving for 2 hours from office to my house. Yes, I know Penang is not big. I really can’t stand with the traffic in Penang.
My legs were shivering. Tired for sure.
I switched on my laptop. Clicked on my Mozilla browser and automatically directed to my blog.
“Haha so many comments...” I laughed after the whole day stress at work with bad traffic as the bonus.
Beep!
My cell phone rang. It was a SMS. I slowly took my cell phone and open the SMS in my inbox. I didn’t know who but I hope it’s her.
Yes. I was right. It was Katherine. Kath.
I started to read the SMS.
Right after I finished reading it, my eyes began to get wet.
Here was how the SMS written:
“Dan, my boyfriend wants me to go to KL and meet him this May and he already book flight ticket to Bangkok end of this year”.
I was shock. Devastated to be exact. My heart crushed. Crushed badly.
I couldn’t stop crying. “Why Kath… why?” I screamed in my heart. I knew I will lose again in this battle.
I called her.
There was no words could came out from our mouth. Not even mutter. We cried. That was how we express our feeling. Sorrowfulness. Very sad. I never cry so loud like that since primary school. I just could no longer bear the pain.
“I give you time Kath ok? Don’t make any decision yet please”.
“I’m sorry Dan, I can’t afford to hurt you anymore. I love you so much and I love him too but you know I can’t leave him. Our relationship is 5 year now… you know…”
“I don’t want to hear about it anymore Kath! Please…”
“I’m sorry Dan… I have to leave you. I don’t want you anymore… sorry… I can’t leave him and I know I’m very mean by making this decision”
“Kath, please… I can’t live without you. You’re my oxygen. I can’t live without you… I can’t breathe”
“It’s my fault Dan. I’m sorry… please forgive me…”
She hung up.
My head went blank. Nothing in my mind. I didn’t feel sad anymore. I didn’t feel happy too. I felt nothing. I didn’t see my future anymore. I had no reason to live.
I went to my study table. I took some pills from the table. The one Kath gave to me when I was sick. Different type of pills.
I chose Paracetamol. Written on the tablet -- 650.
I called her. She answered the call and I could tell that she was sad and still crying.
“Kath, you know I can’t live without you. You don’t love me anymore…”
I started to munch the pills. A handful.
“No..!!! Dan…!!! Please…!”
I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was 7pm. Weird but true that I had been driving for 2 hours from office to my house. Yes, I know Penang is not big. I really can’t stand with the traffic in Penang.
My legs were shivering. Tired for sure.
I switched on my laptop. Clicked on my Mozilla browser and automatically directed to my blog.
“Haha so many comments...” I laughed after the whole day stress at work with bad traffic as the bonus.
Beep!
My cell phone rang. It was a SMS. I slowly took my cell phone and open the SMS in my inbox. I didn’t know who but I hope it’s her.
Yes. I was right. It was Katherine. Kath.
I started to read the SMS.
Right after I finished reading it, my eyes began to get wet.
Here was how the SMS written:
“Dan, my boyfriend wants me to go to KL and meet him this May and he already book flight ticket to Bangkok end of this year”.
I was shock. Devastated to be exact. My heart crushed. Crushed badly.
I couldn’t stop crying. “Why Kath… why?” I screamed in my heart. I knew I will lose again in this battle.
I called her.
There was no words could came out from our mouth. Not even mutter. We cried. That was how we express our feeling. Sorrowfulness. Very sad. I never cry so loud like that since primary school. I just could no longer bear the pain.
“I give you time Kath ok? Don’t make any decision yet please”.
“I’m sorry Dan, I can’t afford to hurt you anymore. I love you so much and I love him too but you know I can’t leave him. Our relationship is 5 year now… you know…”
“I don’t want to hear about it anymore Kath! Please…”
“I’m sorry Dan… I have to leave you. I don’t want you anymore… sorry… I can’t leave him and I know I’m very mean by making this decision”
“Kath, please… I can’t live without you. You’re my oxygen. I can’t live without you… I can’t breathe”
“It’s my fault Dan. I’m sorry… please forgive me…”
She hung up.
My head went blank. Nothing in my mind. I didn’t feel sad anymore. I didn’t feel happy too. I felt nothing. I didn’t see my future anymore. I had no reason to live.
I went to my study table. I took some pills from the table. The one Kath gave to me when I was sick. Different type of pills.
I chose Paracetamol. Written on the tablet -- 650.
I called her. She answered the call and I could tell that she was sad and still crying.
“Kath, you know I can’t live without you. You don’t love me anymore…”
I started to munch the pills. A handful.
“No..!!! Dan…!!! Please…!”
First Commenter : Ad Rifza
I can't live without uu...So sad..what can we think of this story..is it because the long time was spent together and the end of it is only like that?..How can Kath love two mens at one time?..there is a mistake..Kath done a wrong thing coz she is not fully love Dan..:-(
ReplyDeletemcm real jerr citer nie..
ReplyDeletereal ke?
So sad!!
ReplyDeleteGreat writing, Faisal.. :) :) Keep it up and keep posting.. but bagilah me happy2 skit ye?? ;) ;)
paracetamol? but now i need diazepam..huhu..
ReplyDeletethis story really sad..is it true story?
Wah very dramatic! But I think drink clorox even better xDDDD
ReplyDeletedont be so stupid to kill urself for something about this :P
ReplyDeletei hate people who thinks suicidal is the last effort they can have..
no offense mate :P
*about - change the word to *like*
ReplyDeleteNice story :) :)
ReplyDeleteBut is this created by u or.. real story? :D
ad - yeah. actually Dan knows that Kath loves him so much but nothing he could do that hoping that she will come back to him, exactly like he was hoping she choose him instead of another guy.
ReplyDeletecik ijau - hmm no comment :)
shemah - well, idea always involved with current situation. don't you think? :)
ReplyDeletewhen i'm happy then the post is going to be the same :)
pray for me ya!
bard - no comment about the true or not part :) for me to know and for you to find out.
paracetamol will really damage your stomach. so why not? :)
huh! part3? faisal has show his color maa....
ReplyDeleteJL - drink clorox is painful. it's detergent and will really suffer you before you manage to let go your last breath :)
ReplyDeletemaybe lots of paracetamol + sleeping pill is a good a idea? :) you sleep... and you won't wake up anymore to feel the pain in your heart.
inah - do you think those who commit suicide are stupid? :)
look at leslie cheung. rich and famous. but why he killed himself?
there must be a reason for him to do so. do you know that you will feel cold, can't breath and your brain will be blank till you can't even think about anything. your mind will only view the picture of sadness you are going through. you will be sweating like you are playing sport.
adlie - my color? lol. which part?
ReplyDeleteann - no idea why people keep asking me about is this a real story or not :)
ReplyDeleteno exception to my colleague too. they even read the raw material before uploaded to the blog. i wrote it in few minutes while killing boredom in the office. too much work and make you go dumb for few minutes.
Wanna kill urself you gulp all the pills down...where got munch munch one? Hahahahahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteSTP - you need to munch when there is no water in your locked room. your eyes are swollen and you don't want to tell the whole family you are so sad and crying.
ReplyDeleteis there a part 3? ^^
ReplyDeletepenguin - i can't promise. depend on the real life flow... :)
ReplyDeleteYes, you can do the tag later just make sure you do it. Rules of the game! :P
ReplyDeleteIs the Dan in the story you?
half - ok i'll do it. i promise :)
ReplyDeleteer, what make you think Dan is me? :P
so if you're happy the ending is happy lah? hihi. hope you'll be happy anyway.
ReplyDeleteCool, do it on your next blog. I'm demanding LOL.
ReplyDeletepenguin - er, sort of :)
ReplyDeletehalf - next blog? i'll go fishing tomorrow and back on sunday afternoon :)
ReplyDeletepatient is sexy :P
patience is sexy :P
ReplyDeletebwahahaha. excuses excuses.
penguin - some people might think bookworm is sexy... some might think specky is sexy... :P
ReplyDeleteindividual perspective :D
adoi.... baru cek phm... awat leh jd cam tue... suh org tue stle elok2...
ReplyDeletenurul - tak ada apa yang nak setel lagi. dah terjawab...
ReplyDeleteno use to cry.. just wasting time..
ReplyDeletejust enjoy ur fishing...
somebody - sigh. thanks ya.
ReplyDeleteu have looks.. go n find others..
ReplyDeletei know many people admirer u.. n u're too "jual mahal".. huhuhu
somebody - er. look is not important. me jual mahal? er... *fainted*
ReplyDeletehuhuhu... y fainted? lx rr.. dont cheat me la if ur 1st impression not 'looks'.. all d guy like dat..
ReplyDeleteeverythg is outside.. not inside.. in dis real world dont have beauty n d beast.. maybe 3/10.. but charming n beast 1/10 kot.. huhuhu
somebody - who are you actually? :) well, i cannot say that look is not important at all, but its not my priority... inner beauty really counts especially when you get older :)
ReplyDeleteskin can wrinkle, but not the inner beauty :)
So this is going to be some sort of a serial post izit? How many parts to it, may I ask? : )
ReplyDeleteI don't dare to commit suicide using pills. Know why? Cos I'm claustrophobic and and don't want to end up in the box six feet under still alive! : )
foong - no idea. maybe this is the last one. i don't know... simply don't know. i want to make it unpredictable as life is.
ReplyDeletethen you prefer razor blade? :)
i can b anybody.. haha.. u have a lot of silent readers right? n i can b 1 of them :) if u can guess who i am, i will give u want u want. just ask ;)
ReplyDeletepeople always talk like that.. i dont believe it.. coz i'm dat type 2.. 1st impression how it looks..
2nd attitude..
just dont hipokrit la dude.. =)
mati kerana putus cinta? tragik!
ReplyDeletesomebody - give me whatever i want? i want love... possible?
ReplyDeletei'm not. trust me... most people i chose were not cute but got beautiful heart.
when someone got beautiful heart, we can easily fall in love with them, can't leave them, trust them and so on :)
some people said if you kiss your lover's eyes, he/she won't forget you... seem it's not working.
u have ur parents who luv u so much.. u dont need pills or razor blade. stupido.. :p
ReplyDeleteluffy - ya. memang tragik. ada yang cakap bodoh. :)
ReplyDeletesomebody - are u someone from kl? hmm. yes i know. if family already complete your life, why we still seeking for the love one?
ReplyDeletep/s: listening to "sometimes love is just ain't enough"
luffy?? u need luv? i can give u more than that..
ReplyDeleteif u kiss her forehead, nose or even her lips, if she not meant 4 u, xjd gak.. u're brilliant guy, sometimes u're not use dat..
I am lost, Faisal, after not visiting your blog for a while..LOL! Is this story true or just you writing because I feel really sad for Dan. :(
ReplyDeletewrong person :) not from kl.. next!!
ReplyDeletesomebody - hmm. well at least i've tried. so i won't regret for not trying :)
ReplyDeletegive me more than love? huh?
y we have 2 hands, 2 legs, 2 eyes n only 1 heart? coz God want us to find another heart to make it complete.. so if u still can't find, u cannot let it go just like dat.. its called 'looser'!!
ReplyDeleteaisha - er, i prefer not to comment about whether its true or fiction :)
ReplyDeleteyes its a sad story... what kind of ending do you expect?
somebody - er? penang?
somebody - let her go? how to say "let her go" when she actually attached from the beginning?
ReplyDeleteu dont believe me i can give u more than luv.. :) i just need 1 name.. than i will give it u, wat u want
ReplyDeletesomebody - er guessing game in comment box seem inappropriate don't you think? :P
ReplyDeleteaiyooo ......
ReplyDeletevery touching la faisal
nak menangis pun ade
lily - ya. lebih merana orang yang sedang alami :)
ReplyDeleteOoh okay, time for fishing, huh? Hope you catch some big ones!
ReplyDeletehalf - i do hope so. but most important thing i want to clear my mind...
ReplyDeleteWuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
ReplyDeleteKath..u sooo mean...
over x???
I hope Dan won't die, I hope he would become successful and marry a good woman.
ReplyDeleteThis 'Dan' is so pathetic. Sikit2 nak telan pill. Ceh! :P
ReplyDeleteAnd what happens next? Don't leave me hanging!
ReplyDeletepeace,
mike
livelife365
Dalam situasi ni, ketenangan adalah perkara yang mustahak...
ReplyDeleteMungkin boleh luahkannya bersama teman rapat yang mampu memotivasikan jiwa...
Tidak pun, boleh pergi ke tempat yang lebih menenangkan, hirup udara yang segar dan melihat keindahan alam..Untuk melupakannya sementara...
Sebab hati Kath memang lebih kepada seseorang itu lagi.
Tidak dapat dipaksa. Kath kena membuat keputusan. Kerana itu adalah kerja dia, jadi dia kenalah bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya.
enjoy ur fishing
ReplyDeleteo_O dont too fast make a decision on your life span. =_="~ its not worthy to end your life early and not enjoy the world to the fullest. if something like this will make me kill myself... i guess i've died 7 years ago... mine was more tragic than this lol
ReplyDeleteOh you're going to be close to nature so it will clear your mind. :)
ReplyDeleteshumierain - well i guess she has to be mean in order not to keep on hurting Dan's feeling :)
ReplyDeleteaisha - what we can do for now is just hoping. hope keeps us alive.
cahaya - when your body is cold outside and warm inside, sweating like you are playing sport, shivering like you are afraid of ghost, great pain in the chest, watery eyes and blank mind... then you won't be able to think anymore what is right and what is wrong.
ReplyDeletemike - no idea mike. it is actually hanging that way... to be honest :)
i like your latest post about hope :)
hussaini - betul. sebenarnya benda macam ni tak lah rumit sangat jika dibandingkan dengan benda yang lain. apa yang membuatkan Dan tak boleh lupakan Kath adalah kerana Dan tahu Kath masih mencintai dia malah lebih dari kekasihnya yang satu lagi. alasan Kath iaitu 5 tahun perhubungan bukan lah satu alasan yang baik untuk Dan.
ReplyDeletesomebody - thanks :)
syaz - sometimes you will think life never fair to you. even crazy people never dare to kill themselves. what make the rational ones dare?
ReplyDeletehalf - yes. i hope this is the start for happiness :)
bro....kisah benar ker nih?
ReplyDeletehi, tomhawk here, hmm ... what a sad story ... does Dan have to be so unhappy? maybe there's better person out there waiting fo him
ReplyDeleteerrrkkk!!!!
ReplyDeleteDan needs something to make him realize that life is not all about Kath!!!
You are very talented! You really should looking into writing a book!
ReplyDeletewah .. munch panadol ah? so geng ah you .. he he he. By the way, my first time here. got here from STP's blog.
ReplyDelete*sob*sob*
tengah sedeh nie ... tersentuh hati .. he he he
Your story line is becoming more interesting than a "Winter Sonata"!
ReplyDeletebottom line is love sucks!
ReplyDeleteNo, not razor blade. That's just too painful and die too slowly.
ReplyDeleteI want it to be quick and done away with like maybe a gunshot. But we are not allowed to have guns, so that's the problem. Want to commit suicide also so susah. In the end, I'll pass and keep on living : )
Maybe you should start a novel but in BM, not English cos I notice Malay romance novels are selling like hot cakes! : )
ReplyDeletehow can kath fall in love with 2 person..i nak cari sorang pun susah..hu hu...later u story cite i...menyayat tau!!!!
ReplyDelete1. guys might look strong physically but after all they are also human which means they have heart. heart can be broken at anytime by anyone... and it's hard to mend :(
ReplyDeleteIs that a comment for the character or based on your personal point of view? =)
2. This part a bit dramatic..
“Kath, please… I can’t live without you. You’re my oxygen. I can’t live without you… I can’t breathe”
oxygen.. hm..
what happen to you then when you already swallow those damn pills?
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete13may - erk. no komen.
ReplyDeletetommy - perhaps. but life is unfair sometimes... very unfair to Dan. don't you think?
adila - if it's not... then life is about what?
ReplyDeletep/s: Dan sends regards to you.
tammy - me? author? haha. who knows? but sure a bad one!
cibol - haha. munch panadol is not cool. its bitter! but what make it taste less bitter is because your life is more bitter than panadol!
ReplyDeletedrsam - haha. better than autumn in my heart too eh?
insomniac - love sucks? hardly say so. but who am i to protest? :)
ReplyDeletefoong - gun shot? omg. that's scary. but when you can't even think straight... suicide won't decide pain or not anymore!
foong - write in BM? i'll be your laughing stock! :P
ReplyDeleteelle - har? email kan faisal ok? nanti faisal tulis pasal elle pulak! :D
xara - oxygen... yes. how to breath when there is no oxygen anymore. you will become pale and like a corpse that still walking around.
ReplyDeleteaxim - its crunchy... but not yummy? lol. cramp stomach of course!
teja - senyum je?
ReplyDeleteFaisal -
ReplyDeleteif it is for real - ur damn foolish. u got miles to go. a long way to go, dude. u mght stumble into someone else, which i gez - u deserve much better.
be strong. for life's like dat.
u're rite dude *jerry maguire, jr
ReplyDeletejerry - yes i know. but sometimes.. as some people might say.. love is blind. it makes you don't know what is right and what is wrong... what is good and what is bad. its either you follow your heart or your brain. but it seems both are not functioning well when it comes to this stage.
ReplyDeleteanonymous - what is right? :P
If you want to be loved, you have to love yourself first. ;)
ReplyDeletekksim - agree! that's why i'm still alive LOL
ReplyDelete