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Monday, October 19, 2009

I, We miss you!

Four years ago, an accident took my beloved wife away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftover, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket! Boy was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation: "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet; hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode; I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the postmaster was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized,’ I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was: The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: “But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: “I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and so I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.... I told my son, “Son, mummy is in heaven, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just read the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will read the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside and started reading. And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! To day, there was a ‘Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, every day I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appeared?

After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

 

Note: got it via email.

30 comments:

  1. We miss you too.

    That was a sad story. I don't like sad stories.

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  2. ocean - ya ocean. it's a sad story :) even though we prefer a happy one, sad thing is exist and we have to deal with it whether we like it or not :)

    miss you too!

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  3. Allah knows better what is going happened in our life...As a slave...What just we can do is pray for our sake and happiness...
    Btw...you just have such a cute and clever sun...

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  4. Oh, what a sad and touching story! Thanks for sharing : )

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  5. najiahtul - good name you have :) i agree with your comment and maybe you miss the note, the son is not mine :)

    foong - yeah foong :(

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  6. Sometimes...our beloved ones have to leave us right? A sad story. I can relate to it. :(

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  7. tekkaus - yes. but that's the fact we have to accept :(

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  8. oohh...sorry..I thought this story is your true life...

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  9. najiah - hehe most of the reader grab the important points only :)

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  10. This is a very touching story.. I teared even reading it...

    Eventually no one is replaceable. In this situation seems like the son was much more mature thanthe father? The both of them need to sit down and talk...

    Another lesson = never hit your child until a proper explanation. Besides, I don't think hitting them would solve anything.

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  11. yup...btw thanx for the wish...gudluck too for ur exam...

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  12. nice story... thank you for sharing...

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  13. i love dis story.. n i'm follow ur blog too.. :)

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  14. ladyviral - yes, hitting them won't solve anything but our own tension. it's not good for both party especially the kids.

    yes, indirectly the son is much wiser than the husband. the son cared much of his father's feeling which the father was self-centered in term of emotion.

    very sad story, indeed. every beginning there is ending and every life there is death :)

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  15. najiahtul - thank you :)

    meo - yep, sedih kan?

    small hiker - glad that you like it :)

    hanamichi - glad that you like it and please come again ya :)

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  16. takmo la sad2 story2 ne..huhuhu..
    miss u..:p

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  17. wahidah - kadang-kadang sad story boleh buat kita insaf dan mengambil iktibar :)

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  18. Huhuhuhuhuhuh.... Soooo Touching....

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  19. zam - yes, indeed :)

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  20. got this too... really touching.

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  21. yes. very touching :(

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  22. sedihhnyaaaa.. :( :( :(

    I also can't imagine what will happen to my husband and children if something happens to me. My husband has never hit my children and I hope he never will..

    But so sad lah this story... :(

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  23. ya, i hope it won't happen to any of us. just now at work, my colleague's hubby passed away after few days in comma. he was knocked by a bus!

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  24. oh! so0o touching. i believe that she knew what they felt. i miss someone too =(

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  25. Real sad, sometime in life we take things for granted. Only when a person leave us, we start to miss them a lot. Good story

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  26. yes pete. human makes mistake. but we can't take that as our usual excuse :)

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  27. nice one faisal..:(

    hope it not happen to me in my life..

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  28. wai - yep. tapi kadang2 kita tak tahu apa akan jadi di masa hadapan kan =)

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